662.254.7425

to you, these are just numbers. although there are a few people who do know what these numbers mean. to me, they are the numbers of a woman that i love dearly and miss more than anything.

my mam-maw died of cancer 9 years ago last month. june 15th to be exact. i'll never forget being at home and linda (my mother in law) coming down to our house to tell me. i acted fine. i was in shock. i was emotionless.

i called roseann immeditely. she and lawrence were at shapley's for dinner celebrating their anniversary. i could hardly talk, but she said, "where are you?" followed by "i'm on my way". for some reason, she was worried about me.

tommy took me to exit 144 - the pickens/lexington exit to meet key, tc, and the kids. i went to their house to spend the night, although i don't remember sleeping much.

tommy, his mom, and his dad came to greenwood the next day. we had a wedding shower and mama insisted that we continue with it. it really was what mam-maw would have wanted. i didn't lose it until i walked into the home where the shower was held and saw my mama. the emotions were entirely too much and i just cried.

visitation was that afternoon with the funeral the next day. i can remember standing there with the family. roseann was by my side. she has always been my rock. we were supposed to be singing a hymn. i could hardly breathe.

sandy land sang "i've found my lily in the valley", which was mam-maw's favorite song. when i saw her a week before she died, i told her that she needed to get ready to go with me to find a dress for my wedding! she told me, "baby, i'm not going to be there. i've already seen Him! i'm walking through a field of lilies and Jesus is waiting on me!". i told mam-maw - through my tears - that i understood and i knew she was tired. i told her to go when He was ready.

mam-maw~

what an incredible role model you were for me! how blessed i am to have had you and your influence on my life for 23 years. you built me up when i needed someone. you let me cry. you listened to me. you loved my friends. i miss spending the night with you - the oscilating fan that was at the foot of the bed, you getting me soft peppermints in the middle of the night, the street light that would shine through your window. sitting out on your old white swing when the roses were blooming. us going down to the drugstore to get ice cream. or to the grocery store to get everything you needed to make me spaghetti. thank you for taking me to endless events at your church - i love and miss first baptist church itta bena. i've been back once or twice since you passed away and it just doesn't seem right without you and mrs stanton there.

mam-maw, i love that your portrait is hanging in my den. i'm able to talk about you daily and tell mary peyton about you on a regular basis. you are incredibly beautiful in it - just the way i always remember you being. i've got a picture of pap-paw in there as well - from when he was about 18 months old. oh how i wish i would have known him!

you would love mary peyton! and she would absolutely love you! she has such a sweet heart, mam-maw! i've tried to teach her some of the things that you taught me. to always remember that Jesus loves us no matter what. that i am here for her - like you were for me. to always be nice to others regardless of who they are or where they are from. i want her to see Jesus in me the way i saw Him in you. when i started school at umc, you told me to "always be nice to your patients and they will love you". that was some of the best advice i've ever gotten.

today you would have been 96 years old. i wonder what kind of party we would be having! no doubt it would be full of laughter and fun. probably a table playing spoons. maybe mexican dominoes. you just never know with our family!

i rode by your house last friday. it is the first time i have done that since the last time i left you...a week before you went to be with Jesus. mam-maw, i wish they took care of the little brick house the way you did! as i pulled up, i could just see you sitting in your chair looking out the front window at me as i walked up. i can hear the squeak of the front door and the smell of your house.

i pulled up to the side where i always parked - right by the wheels (or rims? what are those white things?) that we had as a rail across the little culvert between the street and your front porch. i can remember playing in the ditch beside these when it would rain a lot. mr steele would watch from next door under his carport. those families on wheeler street were all just an extended part of our family, weren't they.....

happy birthday, mam-maw. you will forever be one of my heroes and i love and miss you more than you could ever imagine. i'll see you when i get there.

much love always~

suzanne