well, if you have read over to the right, you'll see that i'm at home. not where tommy, mary peyton, and i LIVE, but i'm at home - the Delta. and if you know me, you know that part about me. we may live in the jackson area, but home will always be home. and something about these Delta fields just hit at my heart.
a few years ago, my parents went through a divorce. being the only child, it was without a doubt the hardest thing that i have ever gone through. i really don't know if they even fully grasp the effect it has had on my life. we lost my mam-maw 2 months before our wedding, my grandaddy a year and 3 months after our wedding, and tommy's dad a month after my grandaddy. as hard as all of those were, for some reason they have been easier to accept. their deaths were final. and in a sense, my parents divorce was the death of our family. our unit. my security. and even though that death was the "finality" of their marriage, those 2 individuals are still alive and well.
both of my parents have moved on. and i truly believe that everything has worked out for the best in their lives. both are happy. that is all i could ask for. but then it comes to a holiday. or a time when, as an only child with a family, we would "all" be together. the decisions i am having to make are ones that are blowing my mind. ones that i never fathomed i would be making. ones that i saw other families going through and i thanked God that my family was still together and that we did not have the dreaded "d" word in our family. decisions that i had no experience with. i was proud that my holidays, etc., were not spent here or there - they were spent at home. with my parents divorce, my family went from being in the minority, to being in the majority - we are now a broken home.
so far, everything is working out fine. we come home, to the Delta, and get to see everyone. i try my hardest to be fair and to make as few changes to the way things have always been done as possible. we do have to sometimes rush from this house to another house so that we can spend enough time with everyone. family traditions that have always been in place still are and always will be. thanksgiving dinner is at grandmama's on the sunday after thanksgiving. it doesn't interfere with the egg bowl or any other thanksgiving dinner, so there aren't any excuses! i want mary peyton waking up, like she has already for 2 years, in the same room that i did as a little girl on Christmas morning. i can vividly remember coming out of my room, through a brief part of the hall, into the den to see what santa had left. i want mary peyton to know that lunch is always at grandmama's on Christmas day.
but we've had to add a few new traditions...thanksgiving day is spent with my mama. Christmas night we drive into greenwood to have dinner and exchange gifts at my mama's house. we get together with tommy's family before we come to the Delta for our Christmas get-away. his family used to get together EVERY Christmas eve, but when his dad and another uncle passed away, so did that tradition.
one thing about me...i am very sentimental and value the traditions that i hold so close to my heart. i want so much for mary peyton to know and appreciate these same traditions and to have family values. we did have 2 birthday parties for her 1st birthday. that seemed to be the best thing for everyone. but this year, we had 1 party. and everything was fine - and yes, all of the grandparents were there. tommy and i, as parents and a couple, have decided that we have 1 mary peyton and there are going to be many many times that whatever activity/event is going on, there will only be 1 of that activity/event. 1 dancing recital. 1 piano recital. 1 time that my child is Baptized (we pray for this regularly...i hope that she accepts Christ at a young age...). 1 high school graduation. 1 college graduation. 1 wedding.
wow........how did i get off on this tangent? i know that everyone i have talked about - actually all of our family reads this blog. and most all of them know how i feel anyway. but for some reason when i started talking about coming home, those thoughts flooded my mind.
but for now, i am home. where i feel secure. where friends and family are all around me and life moves at a slower pace. and where i feel a little more like me.
5 comments:
Wow Suzanne..you relly hit home with me today. Being divorced/separated from Mallory's dad since she was just over three years old, I can speak hopefully from your parents point of view...Mal's dad and I want what is best for her! We want her to feel compfortable, loved and accepted. We realize that we will not always have every holiday, birthday or whatever occasion comes around, BUT it is US that did the damage. WE have to pay the price, NOT mallory. We would never want her to feel like she had to choose or feel pressured to split the time up. I cannot speak for your parents, but I can say that it is much better for you them to be happy and show you love apart from each other than me miserable together and show you that.
No I am the one getting on tangent, but I do want you to know that I am very sorry that you have to have these feelings!
suz,
i think that you have handled everything that has happened to you with grace and dignity. i cannot imagine what it would feel like and especially being an only child (like me). i think about you often. have fun at home this weekend and hope to see you soon. by the way we LOVED a house in Red Oak so maybe we will be out your way soon!
Kim
Good post... I am also very sentimental and want traditions to remain the same year after year. It is about both the comfort of those traditions for me, but also instilling in my kids how much they should value and cherish their family.
It is really hard when that picture of our perfect "grown-up" world isn't what life turns out to be at all. But how lucky you are to have the traditions and memories to pass down to Mary Peyton, even if they will change just a bit...
Wow, Suz. Great thoughts. Having a twice-divorced brother-in-law has left us with a few of the same issues. It certainly is not easy, huh?!
I am reminded of the blessings that are mine and feel certain that I am not nearly as thankful as I should be.
Also, Mary Peyton will be thankful for all the people in her life. She will be blessed for having so many who love her. But mostly, I pray she will be aware of the Father's great love for her and the plan He has for her sweet life.
Suzanne, I completely, totally understand.
My parents divorced my freshman year of college and it was a death. Nothing has been the same since-my parents or me. I don't think they will ever understand the impact it had on me and how it rocked every foundation I thought I had in my life. It does take your sense of security and for me it took my faith for a long, long time.
It is hard when traditions change, I am very sentimental and emotional anyway-Clay laughs at how sensitive I am. I will cry at commercials! But one thing that I am thankful for is his family-they are my family now. I have had to let go of my parents because of the hurtful influence they have on me and my home. I had to accept that they are gone and I can choose how much they impact me. So, we have all of our holidays at Clay's parents house. Laura Grace sees my mom once a month because she lives nearby-but only with my supervision and never on holidays. I haven't spoken to my dad in a year and never plan on talking to him again. I don't know what kind of questions Laura Grace will ask, I don't know how to answer them.
I think you are so wise in doing what you think is best for Mary Peyton, not what makes your family happy. As Mary Peyton gets older you will have to answer hard questions, but the fact is that she has two parents who love each other, love the Lord, and se is so, so blessed. ALl of the new traditions will be the only ones she knows and it is so neat that she does have so many people who love her and so many traditions to grow up with.
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